I wipe the kid’s nose on the bottom of my shirt while simultaneously swiping my sweating forehead with the collar. I scratch my tangled ponytail only to find a leaf lodged scalp-deep. I laugh when a little girl runs by, stopping to point out the rainbow of chalk handprints smacked across my stretchy pants. The wind blows,… Continue reading Fashion Forward… Backwards, Inside-Out & Hogtied
Did you watch the season premier of Sister Wives? No? Oh, good. Two things I like about you are your superior taste in television and righteous moral code preventing you from enjoying the carnage left in the wake of another reality TV train wreck. Remind me to be more like you after this season of… Continue reading Polygamy Is For Lovers (Lots & Lots of Lovers)
I waited for Penny for four months, twenty-two days, seven hours, and some minutes. Every afternoon I perched my pink, plastic book bag against the mailbox, opened its rickety door, and stared into the abyss of disappointment. I shuffled bills and catalogues hoping to find Penny in the darkened back corners. Perplexed, I shuffled into… Continue reading Farce Advertising & Why I Waited For A Panda
You pay your hard-earned cash for the privilege of having the newspaper delivered to your stoop. You forgive the 13-year-old paperboy his girly arm when his toss only gets the paper so far as your mailbox. You can’t very well have coffee without skimming the crisp pages of your paper. So as long as it’s there,… Continue reading She must really love Jesus…and Margaritas.
I could turn The Bachelor set on its head. I could stir things up and win one for the home team. Why, you ask? Because anything, anything I bring to the rented Hollywood Hills mansion would add excitement to this terribly mundane and predictable show. A gaggle of girlfriends prance about The Bachelor Pad in… Continue reading The Bachelor: What’s love got to do with it?