Uncategorized

For My Dad, Who Never Killed Me

This is a post I wrote for my father, The Jeff Nelson, *who loves me despite this blog. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ My dad tells this charming story about the time he found the Jeff Nelsons of America. The story became charming sometime around 1993 when I realized that in addition to going by Dad, Daddy, Daddio, (whiny voice)… Continue reading For My Dad, Who Never Killed Me

Uncategorized

Be Nice or Leave…and with that I’ll make my exit.

    The smell of baby powder and Bengay floating through the air. The air, confused just as all visitors, is hot and stagnant, unable to breathe or roam without the swift kick of an air conditioner. Floral patterns hug plaid and hold hands with toile. The olive-green carpet wags its shags atop and in between your toes, offering comfort… Continue reading Be Nice or Leave…and with that I’ll make my exit.

Uncategorized

Candy For Breakfast: It’s not always fun to be The Fun Aunt.

    Breakfast table. Three kids and a lady with hair resembling Diana Ross during a particularly testy airport security check. I supervise as the little one’s eat. I am trying my hardest to be the fun aunt, so as my niece and nephew scarf down piles of fresh fruit and ask for more water, I go against the… Continue reading Candy For Breakfast: It’s not always fun to be The Fun Aunt.

Uncategorized

Sugar, Breakfast of Champions?

    Part of learning to parent is learning to functionwithoutsleep acceptpooponyourfinger identifyillnessfromboogercolor  cook. For some this may have been a base already covered. I picture you jogging, nibbling on an apple. On the other end of the spectrum, I was faced with the harsh reality that Doritos aren’t made from real cheese and apparently deep-fried onion rings don’t count… Continue reading Sugar, Breakfast of Champions?

Uncategorized

Chasing Pavement & Suspected Predators

Several months ago, I attempted to shake my fat funk by amping up the old exercise routine. The “amping up” was relatively easy, as simply flexing my arm while eating ice cream would be a vast improvement from my static norm: cigarettes and coffee while  reading about weight loss.    My older sister helped to spur… Continue reading Chasing Pavement & Suspected Predators