I am sitting the parking lot. Without turning back, the boy saw shiny blocks in the corner and dove face-first into this new classroom. I like to read the back of his head as “Please don’t go! Don’t leave me, mama. Pleeeeaaaaaase!”. It could also have said “Whatevs. Peace out, hooker”. One can never be sure.… Continue reading Borrowing Strangers’ Babies & Other Innocent Pastimes
Hey. Hey wait! Wait everybody. Hold up. I have something funny to say… annnnd nevermind. Just gas. This week has been a series of unfortunate events. I am currently using frozen garlic bread to ice a foot that I miraculously injured via sitting still.While hopping on one foot to gingerly protect the sprained other, I rammed the good leg’s… Continue reading And They Call It Puppy Murder.
I entered a stone-cold cell the first day of my first year as a first-time college student. Cinderblock and the distinct smell of era upon era of sweaty co-ed armpits slapped me in my smooth baby face. I felt that lump in my throat of tears I was too old to acceptably cry. The nauseous creep of… Continue reading lists, logically.
He wore a god damn yellow bow tie. He spoke in tones that swooped low before looping high in the air. He seemed to always hiccup and swallow giggles. The Mad Hatter. Cheerful Circus Freak. Clumsy. Goofy. His voice was a rollercoaster swerving wildly in directions that made you nervous laugh from the adventure and imminent… Continue reading Scary Funny
Scattered is a good word for her. The title of educator never seemed to fit. Enlightening, educating, teaching, ironically, were not this teacher’s strong suits. Every day she stood flat center of the classroom scrambling to find something, anything to feed us as knowledge. We’d start the morning hearing a few sentences on multiplication tables… Continue reading Barf: A Lesson On Ingenuity.