When people learn that my son was over 10 pounds at birth, they usually get this horrified and empathetic face about them. They speak consolatory words while inadvertently staring at my crotch. I never understood this because a push is a push. A hole is a hole, and a head is a head. But… Continue reading Oh, The Places You’ll Go! : Straight to Hell Edition
I read a book once. It was all downhill from there. When a little plastic stick told me a baby was on the way, I gave that solid pink line a fake smile and swallowed some panic. This would be the first of many improvisations as a mother to be followed by a… Continue reading The Best Bad Mom
“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth”. From light to waters to ground to sky to birds and creatures to soar and swim, I like to think that inspiration struck Him. Yes, he was on a roll, zapping and painting and sculpting a dark nothing into everything. But on the sixth day,… Continue reading Curiosity Killed The Cat. Creativity Killed The Squirrel.
Before the days of sippy cups and aprons, I worked weekend-in-and-day-out at a luxury apartment home community. In addition to enduring rigorous training to exchange terms like “luxury apartment home community” in lieu of “property” or “regretfully decline your application” instead of “We don’t want you” I spent whole hours clicking through on-line training courses… Continue reading Fair Housing: Give Your Kid A Credit Check.
We called her The Large Leaping Lady. A giant woman, I never could figure out just how she soared so cleanly through the air. Her voice roared as burdensome as her being, her enthusiastic hymns punching holes in the congregation’s desire for a peaceful and pleasant song of worship. She rumbled through every Sunday service… Continue reading Thunder Rolls