You could say style runs in the family. Our long line of beauty-conscious blood runs deeper than a v-neck. My mother, the makeup maven of the bunch, is often accused of being airbrushed. She’s just that good with a blush brush, y’all. And I can’t tell you how many times my son and I are asked- nay, begged!- to pose for Sear’s catalogues. It’s almost getting uncomfortable. So when it came time to determine a winning reader for the Linda Munequita banging bracelet giveaway, I turned to my kin to form an expert panel of judges. Tasked to choose one first-place fashionista to take home the prize, they evaluated the many descriptions of your ugly socks and mismatched track suits. In short, they are all so, so disappointed in you.
Oh, honey. Are you new here? In reality I just closed my eyes and let my chipped, scraggly nails do the picking. I was delighted and incredibly relieved to find most of you in the same tee-totally tacky boat with me. From your business blazer on top/ party pants on the bottom personal-style-mullet fiasco to the many, many of you who spoke straight to my heart with your ode to sweatpants, I was more convinced than ever that you are my people. You are my saggy-crotched, stained-sleeved soul mates.
In all honesty, our brood puts lets emphasis on the socially acceptable styles and operates on the free-spirited ideals of “This was on sale, and, I don’t know, green pants just seemed fun at the time”. The kids will don anything from leftover ballet costumes to Mexican wrestling masks. You all know my fierce signature look consists of pants fading fabric in the butt and Chinese-made rubber flip-flops (2-for-1 at your local Dollar General). The idea that there is an age-limit on wearing glittery graphic tank tops is ludicrous in this house. My sister is an exception, always so effortlessly chic and such. I’m still tracking down a list of well-dressed mailmen from the early ’80s to figure out exactly where she came from. Really what all of this boils down to is: You dress like sleepwalking, colorblind drug addicts. Welcome to the family.
So, Sister Uncle Cousin, with just one piece of pretty jewelry to give out, I chose to pick at random to avoid awkward tension at the next family gathering. Just know that I love each of you crazy-clothed hoodlums pretty much, about the same. The winningest fashion fail is….
SAV from The Capital L
Her outfit suggests she’s a really interesting, multifaceted being…. or maybe she’s having a wicked intense identity crisis.
“Looked down and realized that my entire get-up screams contradiction. It’s 9 degrees outside and I’m in short sleeves. My makeup is perfect, but I haven’t even brushed my hair. My pants are baggy, but my blouse is slimming. I’ve got a frayed, homemade hemp bracelet on one wrist and a chic Kenneth Cole watch on the other. I’m rocking both cheap granny panties and a pricey lace bra. In short, my outfit is as split personality as I am.”
Well, girl. Here’s an inspirational bangle to add to your many, many looks!
A big thanks to Linda Munequita Meaningful Jewelry for sharing some style.
Until next time, keep it sassy and clash-y, folks.