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The Saturday Sunday Paper: Yer Welcome

   This weekend we are headed to Nashville, the birthplace of country music and…ummm…me and a constant reminder that our adopted home of Jackson could be a lot cooler if she only triedJackson: Look real hard and you can spot some folks through all that camo. I’m just saying, tear down the crack houses, open a business that doesn’t have to do with hunting or antiquing, put on some lipstick, and you’re talking decent.

     Our trip will be a doozy. The idea of forty-eight hours with family makes me part ecstatic and part breaking out in blotchy, red hives. It’s a compromise, always, in which you decide which compliments to take and which remarks on your weight to throw out back with the trash pile. Sometimes this is tricky, as compliments can be masked critiques. A “Your fingers look so skinny, sweetheart” is an accolade on your remarkably dainty pinky and also a comparison between the absurd inequality in your finger to fat butt ratio. How are her fingers so skinny when her bottom could stop a runaway train?  Through years of research I’ve concluded that the only way to respond to mean niceties is to stop, drop, and roll: STOP yourself from yanking anybody’s weave. DROP a subtle hint that you, indeed, are smart enough to spot the jab beneath the sweet stuff. Let it ROLL off your shoulders.

Bubba: "I like yer hat, Erlene. It covers up yer face." Erlene: "Er You callin' me fat?"

    In all seriousness, our weekend is packed with fun things like wine, children’s birthday parties, and wedding planning. I am secretly thrilled. The Dude secretly brought an extra bottle of nighttime Tylenol in case he finds that it is truly as bad as it sounds. His typically jovial face started contorting into a sour, near-death expression as soon as we pulled into the city limits. Hide your enthusiasm, sir. You’re happiness is blinding.

       While I’m sharing wine and swapping gossip with my grandma, I thought I’d leave some funny, funny things to keep you entertained. Perhaps keep you entertained was the wrong choice of words as it implies you are frequently amused with my nonsense. Ok. Refresher. I thought I’d give you guys a break and let you read some quality, ha-ha’s.  This statement makes it sound like I am boring enough to make one wish for death which makes it sound like visiting my site to read other people’s much more clap-happy posts is a true treat for Ramblings regulars which in turn is like giving myself an insult wrapped in a compliment. I love visiting your site, Tori. Mostly when you aren’t writing things on it.

     Readers, until Monday, YER WELCOME for the break. Enjoy the hilarity of these genius bloggers while it lasts ( through 48 hours, 4 bottles of wine, and one rockin’ Hello Kitty pinata).  

Stephanie at Listful Thinking is a genius. And you know what they say about geniuses? They’re equal parts smart and cuckoo. Upon reading her latest post, “I Hate Poetry” I began to understand her madness. How’s a sister supposed to stay sane when there is a world full of angry beasts and awful poetry out to get her?  Check out her post, “I’m Really Glad I Don’t Live With Ke$ha” for more pee-in-the-pants funny.

Jane at theycallmejane is a sassy, articulate mama who knows when to let her kids stay confused for the sake of learning and laugh-out-loud funny posts. Her latest post, “One Mistersippi, Two Mistersippi, Three Mistersippi” is the perfect example of why it’s best to let a child’s mind wander.

When I moved out of my mother’s house I left behind piles of trash because why would I want that junk crowding up my first, grown up apartment? It made sense at the time. My mother should consider herself lucky as remnants of my life in her home were easily taken care of with a dumpster and a generous trip to GoodWill. Renee at Life In The Boomer Lane, on the other hand, was left with a living, breathing, fur ball coughing being when her daughter flew the nest. Remember to remind me to send her post, “A Cat By Any Other Name” , to my mom with a side note: Yer Welcome.

What were your favorite posts of the week? Share a link in the comments section!

If you’ll excuse me I’m off to enjoy a little of this…

 
 
 

Why hello there Mr. Woodbridge.

 

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23 thoughts on “The Saturday Sunday Paper: Yer Welcome

  1. Have a great trip, Tori. Can’t wait to hear about all the compliments. I think my best hidden compliment was when my sister-in-law said, “You look really good. Did you get botox?” I kid you not!

  2. Crack house reference really re-triggered my anger. In Miami they let a number of these operate so thy can arrest (harvest is a better term) several hundred people on Friday and Saturdays nights to resupply the “clients” for the criminal justice industry to sustain employment for 10,000 people in corrections and all its adjuncts. These operating crack house are nothing more than revenue generators for the city and county. This has been labeled the “felonization” of America.Cocaine is easier to get in Miami than pot. If Afghanistan produces 70% of world’s opium(think morphine and heroin) and we have 150,000 troops there, why aren’t we napalming the poppy fields?

    1. They make my eyes twitch. We’ve actually decided NOT to have our wedding in Jackson because the only venues are downtown. Our guests would have to drive through the main streets which are covered in run down crackhouses… not the best way to say “Welcome to our home” 😦

  3. Have a great trip, and thanks for the shout out! I am completely fascinated with that photo. I want one. If you change the dress ever-so-slightly (everyone wearing shades of black, yarmulkes instead of hats) and get rid of the pipes and dog, you have a photo of my family in their Eastern European shtetl. Ah, takes me back to that boat ride through the tunnel at Disney World, listening to the little maniacal automated children singing “It’s A Small World After All.”

    1. I loved the Hello Kitty Pinata. The hardest part was making myself stand still when the candy fell onto the ground. I wanted to elbow the children outta the way and get my paws on some Jolly Ranchers.

  4. Hi. Found your blog throuh Sandi and Ahhhhsome Blogs. I’ve been to Tennessee before, but never Nashville! I’ve always wanted to go! Hope you have a great trip!

    1. Thanks for visiting my little blog! Nashville is really cool. It has the small town feel in that people are polite and not in too much of a rush. But it also has the perks, parks, and entertainment of a major city!

  5. Don’t forget, Nashville is also home to The Predators!

    Those part-compliment/part insults have a name, you know. They’re called “complisults” and some people are quite adept at dishing them out.

  6. Nashville, that’s where we escape when we want better restaurant food. I hope you have fun. Speaking of great sites to see, try The Good Greatsby or Japecake for some great hahas.

  7. LOL when you talked about leaving your mom’s house and leaving trash behind, that cracked me up, because I’ve totally done that – to my dad, when I moved out, then I moved in with my mom (they were divorced), then when I moved out of my mom’s house, I left a few things there. Then I moved into my own apartment, and when I moved out, I brought stuff to Goodwill. Lastly, I moved in with my ex fiance, and when I moved out of there, I left everything I didn’t want and didn’t want to deal with. My friends remark on how clean and uncluttered my apartment is – and it’s only because I leave my crap everywhere else! haha!

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