As a college student, I briefly nannied this horrible shit of a Kindergartener. I say “briefly” because when one’s head and heart tells them to address a 5-year-old as a “shit” (even internally), it becomes clear that career choices at some point were askew. Also his mother paid me like a blind beggar, insisting she was shoving silent … Continue reading »
Tagged with writing …
The Tick & The Tock
OK. Here we go. Just crank up the throttle. Wait for it. Wait for ittttt. There she goes. There she….sputters. This, the snail of all throttles, is akin to slapping an Accelerate button on some crooked crutches. Looks like .0001 miles-per-hour is all she’s good for. On one hand, maybe it’s good this is so … Continue reading »
The Very Writery Writer Writes The Written Words On Writing
Britney Spears wanders into a Beverly Hills party. She mistakes Hugh Hefner for her grand pappy from back home and quickly sits on his lap to reminisce about that time he fought in the Second World Civil War of The Roses. Never one to turn a warm lap dog bunny away, Hefner mistakes Britney for … Continue reading »
I, meet Me.
My dad tells this charming story about the time he found the Jeff Nelsons of America. The story became charming sometime around 1993 when I realized that in addition to going by Dad, Daddy, Daddio, (whiny voice) Duh-aaaaad, and The Tennessee Wooden Spoon Spanking Machine, my father also- for some reason or another- went by Jeff Nelson. As I … Continue reading »
Yo’ Mama’s So Clever She Could Start A Blog.
I know how to do a back hand spring. I speak Spanish. I am an excellent yard mower. I can lick my nose, and (if push came to tongue sprain) my eye. I have all kinds of hidden talents. Turns out, when forced to unveil these gems to the begging crowds (read: without provocation, spew … Continue reading »
