The Best Bad Mom

   I read a book once. It was all downhill from there.   When a little plastic stick told me a baby was on the way, I gave that solid pink line a fake smile and swallowed some panic. This would be the first of many improvisations as a mother to be followed by a … Continue reading »

Always The Baby’s Maid, Never The Baby.

I can confidently say that I’ve left the insecurities of my youth behind. I can go to dinner with my much thinner friend and not want to sneak mayonnaise into her salad. I can flip through racks of pants at Target without mumbling profanities and curses at all the single-digit labels. It’s all maturity and chemically -balanced … Continue reading »

Hornish Kens: Mattel Offers Boys A Mentor In Manhood.

     My son received a doll for Christmas last year. Not just any old, sissy plaything, this doll was for dudes only. Henry, as he is called, teaches young, diapered men the skills of shoe tying, velcro-manuevering, and buttoning. Within a matter of weeks my then one-year-old had adapted such finger agility that he could lace up a sneaker … Continue reading »

Ahead Of The Curb

A large part of parenting involves saying very sweet things about your kid: the unconditional love, the perfect-just-the-way-you-are song and dance, the absolute and unfaltering acceptance of your bundle of joy from the word ‘push’. Your first lesson as mother is to love whatever you get. Big or small, pleasant or colicky, gorgeous or otherwise … Continue reading »

I Brought Tori into This World. Yer Welcome.

*I went on vacation. I left my mom a few states back and told her to get to work. My blog’s not going to write itself. Here are the fruits of her labor…. Ew! Labor. Without further ado, I’ll hand it over to The Mimi.  Tori is in my womb.  She is active and in charge.  … Continue reading »