Does This Photo Make Me Look Phat?

As described by Urban Dictionary: 1. phat: adjective, phat·est, phat·er, phat· fo’ shizzle, phat· is whack 1. cool 2. Pretty Hot And Tempting ex: Dude! That ish is phat 2. phat: adjective, phat·est, phat·er, phat· fo’ shizzle, phat· is whack 1. A stupid word. 2. Stop using it. ex: Pathetic Kid: God, that chick is PHAT, … Continue reading »

Ready, Set, Go Change. Those fringe shorts look whorendous.

Ah! Nothing like some 90′s rave music to start a post off right. I danced to this song as a 9-year-old. We wore hot pink fringe booty shorts, curly pony tail wigs I always feared came from abused ponies, and gobs of stage makeup. These catchy beats remind me that I am a trailblazer for slutting it up long before … Continue reading »

Some time on a day or maybe night, between 8 am & Apocalypse

Elizabeth Taylor once said “It is strange that the years teach us patience; that the shorter our time, the greater our capacity for waiting.”. At some other point Andy Warhol also talked, and when he did he said “The idea of waiting for something makes it more exciting.”. Then I showed up and was all “I’m … Continue reading »

But first, PLAN Z!

We had been dating for seven-ish months when I stared down the line of an at-home pregnancy test. I would have pissed my pants, but there I sat, jeans around my ankles, quivering bum set to toilet seat, bladder all emptied onto that tiny, plastic, life-changing stick. Before I could wrap my mind around the whole … Continue reading »

lists, logically.

I entered a stone-cold cell the first day of my first year as a first-time college student. Cinderblock and the distinct smell of era upon era of sweaty co-ed armpits slapped me in my smooth baby face. I felt that lump in my throat of tears I was too old to acceptably cry. The nauseous creep of … Continue reading »