But first, PLAN Z!

We had been dating for seven-ish months when I stared down the line of an at-home pregnancy test. I would have pissed my pants, but there I sat, jeans around my ankles, quivering bum set to toilet seat, bladder all emptied onto that tiny, plastic, life-changing stick. Before I could wrap my mind around the whole … Continue reading »

Smart Is As Stupid Does

My dad casually mentioned once how he purposefully threw a flaming red something-or-other into a load of whites when first living with my mother. By then he’d managed to own and run a bar, take care of his brother, and endure a few harsh seasons working for American Missile Systems in some particularly cruddy regions of … Continue reading »

Always The Baby’s Maid, Never The Baby.

I can confidently say that I’ve left the insecurities of my youth behind. I can go to dinner with my much thinner friend and not want to sneak mayonnaise into her salad. I can flip through racks of pants at Target without mumbling profanities and curses at all the single-digit labels. It’s all maturity and chemically -balanced … Continue reading »

I, meet Me.

My dad tells this charming story about the time he found the Jeff Nelsons of America. The story became charming sometime around 1993 when I realized that in addition to going by Dad, Daddy, Daddio, (whiny voice) Duh-aaaaad, and The Tennessee Wooden Spoon Spanking Machine, my father also- for some reason or another- went by Jeff Nelson. As I … Continue reading »

Pajama Eaters Eat Pajamas & Other Important Discoveries

You know what they say: “Those who can’t do teach have friends who can”. I’m not sure who the wise “they” are , but upon moving to a new city with a newborn I followed this advice whole heartedly. I made a list of qualities my new friends in this new place would need to possess to … Continue reading »