Tagged with funny mom

The Tick & The Tock

OK. Here we go. Just crank up the throttle. Wait for it. Wait for ittttt. There she goes. There she….sputters. This, the snail of all throttles, is akin to slapping an Accelerate button on some crooked crutches. Looks like .0001 miles-per-hour is all she’s good for. On one hand, maybe it’s good this is so … Continue reading

Be Nice or Leave…and with that I’ll make my exit.

     The smell of lilac and Bengay floating through the air. This air, confused as all visitors, is warm and stagnant, unable to breathe or roam without the swift kick of an air conditioner. Floral patterns hug plaid and hold hands with toile. The pale blue carpet wags its shags atop and in between your toes, offering comfort and coziness that … Continue reading

A Piece of Quiet

“An inability to stay quiet is one of the conspicuous failings of mankind.” -Walter Bagehot I’m wearing slick socks to ensure a definite lack of creaking floorboards, I’ve turned off the television much to the dismay of my pint-sized president of The Mickey Mouse Fan Club of America, and I’m whisper typing these sentences despite my ritual of singing … Continue reading

blame it on the juice

    My kid is better than all kids. This thought, stuffed full of ego and superiority and such, has kept me sane throughout my first year-and-then-some as a mother. I’ve secretly delighted in the whoop-ass shaming local toddlers cast upon their frazzled mamas in parking lots and sandwich shops, public restrooms and detergent aisles. … Continue reading