Scary Funny

He wore a god damn yellow bow tie. He spoke in tones that swooped low before looping high in the air. He seemed to always hiccup and swallow giggles. The  Mad Hatter.  Cheerful Circus Freak. Clumsy. Goofy. His voice was a rollercoaster swerving wildly in directions that made you nervous laugh from the adventure and imminent … Continue reading »

You’ve Got Mail… and Bear Issues.

“I am not overlooking any mail. I’m looking at all of it. I even wrote back to the Viagra people.” – Randy Newman    I once camped beside the mailbox waiting for a small, bubble-wrapped baby panda to arrive. I’d paid my mother’s hard-earned cash to Adopt Wildlife, and  I’d be there to greet my bear baby’s gaze the moment she plopped … Continue reading »

Be Nice or Leave…and with that I’ll make my exit.

     The smell of lilac and Bengay floating through the air. This air, confused as all visitors, is warm and stagnant, unable to breathe or roam without the swift kick of an air conditioner. Floral patterns hug plaid and hold hands with toile. The pale blue carpet wags its shags atop and in between your toes, offering comfort and coziness that … Continue reading »

The Best Bad Mom

   I read a book once. It was all downhill from there.   When a little plastic stick told me a baby was on the way, I gave that solid pink line a fake smile and swallowed some panic. This would be the first of many improvisations as a mother to be followed by a … Continue reading »

Always The Baby’s Maid, Never The Baby.

I can confidently say that I’ve left the insecurities of my youth behind. I can go to dinner with my much thinner friend and not want to sneak mayonnaise into her salad. I can flip through racks of pants at Target without mumbling profanities and curses at all the single-digit labels. It’s all maturity and chemically -balanced … Continue reading »