An Open Letter to Andra’s Feet

Dear Tired Tootsies,

Surely by now your only thought is “what the bleep is going on?” We’ve been excited to follow Andra’s adventures but little did we consider the carnage hidden beneath Andra’s socks. You are the unsung victims of the Natchez Trace.

Fugly Foot _2

Poor, poor fugly feet! We sympathize with your agony. You were dragged on this journey without being asked. Head, shoulders, knees and toes though . . . you had to know you wouldn’t get a say. You don’t even have a mouth.

We’re a little conflicted. On one foot, we are good friends and readers of Andra. On the other, we can’t help but be concerned your master is a monster. She gives you a lovely pedicure and then abuses you. She makes you walk 444 miles, with almost no rest, except for random days where she lies in a voluptuous bed while your blisters throb like hellfire. Does she use you to kick puppies as well?

We cringe for you and have thought at times she should be charged with crimes against footmanity.

But then we realized you’re walking the good walk. These achy miles really mean something. You’ve read her book, right?

Oh wait . . . of course you haven’t You’re feet.

book

Well if you could read, you would know that she brought the Natchez Trace to life in her book To Live Forever: An Afterlife Journey of Meriwether Lewis. This book . . . it’s like an action movie and a history class had a really brilliant baby. Throw in a little mystery, paranormal, and a kick-ass kid reminiscent of Scout from To Kill A Mockingbird and you have a book that dances across genres, times and places.

Perk up, buttercups! You are the lucky piggies getting to retrace history and re-create Andra’s story with every painful step. No worries. Meriwether Lewis probably wished for death a couple of times too—and he got his wish. We promise that won’t happen to you.

How can we keep this promise? Although our own feet rarely shuffle as far as the mailbox, we have had a discussion with our pampered piggies and decided to join you on the trail. We will indeed feel your pain. Note, however, that we asked our feet for permission. NOT COOL, ANDRA! NOT COOL.

Tori’s tootsies are still a little resentful that they are being pulled away from Milk Duds by the TV. Literally, all of Tori’s furniture is appropriately from La-Z-Boy—for good reason.

Lisa’s little paws have kicked Tori’s butt and will not tolerate rebellion. After all they flew across the country for this mess, and it was exhausting kicking the whole way to keep the plane flying. (Okay . . . okay they really just sat and enjoyed the complimentary peanuts. They did have to walk between two gates, and then all the way to baggage claim and the parking lot).

Tori, walks 3 miles per step with giant feet.

Tori, walks 3 miles per step with giant feet.

This explains why we took two days to rest before we joined you. However, we did venture up one steep bridge today as a warm-up for tomorrow. Consider us trained. We will soon head back to Tori’s den of La-Z to rest our tired tootsies after all that hard work.

The good news is you are nearing the end. Once you have accomplished Andra’s (insane) dream, you will be in hoof heaven. Just walk, limp, stumble, and boot scoot your way to Tori’s La-Z Land and she will provide you with all your tiny toes could hope for: fuzzy socks, Epsom salts, a rolling office chair for transportation purposes, a bedpan if necessary (who even needs to walk to the bathroom?), a comfortable bed loaded with pillows with extra propping power, and delicious Pop Tarts and bacon.

We’d promise you a foot rub, but let’s face it, nobody wants to touch you until you toughen up a bit.

We can’t wait to see Andra tomorrow, but we humbly request that you keep thy nasty crusty toes hidden while we walk. Put a sock on it, because no one wants to barf on such hallowed ground. We’re organized, prepared, packed and ready to limp with you. You’ll see us bright and noon-ish toting a backpack with supplies (wine, wine, granola bars, and whine). We’re bringing a Baby Bjorn to haul Andra and have even charted and researched the most effective way for Lisa’s determined feet to carry us all.

Tori and Lisa and Andra Hike

Bless your soles. See you tomorrow

Love,

Tori and Lisa

 

{Enjoyed fabulous coffee & fun writing our condolences to Andra’s feet.

You can also find this post on Lisa’s blog, Woman Weilding Words. }

 

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20 thoughts on “An Open Letter to Andra’s Feet

  1. I’m feeling pretty smug, sitting here in my shearling-lined slippers, writing and sipping a beer. All I really HAVE to do this weekend is go see/hear Jerry Douglas tomorrow night. The rest of it is stuff I’d do anyway. Have fun. It sounds like you will.

  2. Brilliant!! I grin just about every time I read something you’ve written, Tori. :D Hope your feet, and Lisa’s, will fare better than Andra’s, and that the three of you will have a great time as you make your way to the end of this line.

  3. Pingback: To Live Forever Tour Stop: Meriwether Lewis | The Accidental Cootchie Mama

  4. Pingback: Reflecting on the Journey: Self Discoveries on the Natchez Trace | Lisa A. Kramer: Woman Wielding Words

  5. Pingback: With A Lot of Help From My Friends | The Accidental Cootchie Mama

  6. Daring and brave posting footsie images and working tootsies at that. The story is inspiring. Feet are meant for walking so they should look like they’ve seen some action. My college roommate used to call my tootsies army feet. She had cute little toes. I did not. Lucky for me, I married a man with bigger feet than I have. ;-)
    Great post and hope the walking is going well…
    AnnMarie
    very cool blog design, feet and all :-)

  7. Pingback: End of the Walk Contest Winner | The Accidental Cootchie Mama

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