Calm down. I’m married and totally happy (Except about the dirty dishes in the sink… right next to the dishwasher… which is empty and right next to the sink and waiting for his sour milk cereal bowl… because I emptied it.) As I was saying, I am thrilled to be hitched to a mostly clean and completely respectable Sir.
But there was a time when the peckered public wasn’t nearly so safe, when left to my immature bachelorette tactics I tried every tipsy and terribly desperate attempt to hook a man. Occasionally the bar’s lighting was just dim enough, the whiskey just strong enough that I got a date. A time or two I was so cunning a date turned into a boyfriend. These bar fly boyfriends, turns out, were as unappealing as I was when I forgot to fake-love football.
Renee Schuls-Jacobson’s So Wrong Series asks bloggers to spill their most embarrassing moments and what they learned aside from the obvious in’s and out’s of utter humiliation.
With Valentine’s Day approaching, I’m dishing on a disasterous romantic evening that was as stinky as it was telling. It was the night the legend of the ”Love Bomb” was born. For all the single ladies, duped boyfriends, and the rest of you otherwise bound or free, head over to Renee’s fantastic blog for my lessons on love, suspicious trailers, and how to know a bad thing when you sniff it.
Read “Romancing The Throne“…
(It’s not as disgusting as it sounds. Oh, yes it is. )
Love this! Mostly because it makes me feel better,.I,um, got drunk for the first time in my entire life on a first date. Also. I had to make him pull over on the side of the freeway on the way home so I could toss my cookies. Or Bartles & Jaymes. Whatever. Three times. Strangely enough he asked me out again and we got married – 19 years – so I guess vomiting is extremely romantic.
Haha. It’s MAGIC barf, I tell you. When I first started dating my now-husband he had just splurged on a tacky sports car. I puked all over it within weeks of him buying it. Naturally, he was smitten
I KNEW IT. Thank you for confirming magical barf. Maybe one day we can write barf posts on each other’s pages. Because if there’s one thing blog reader loves – it’s puke.
DEAL. My readers would love to hear about somebody else’s bodily functions for a change. The poor guys have got to be sick of my once-a-month period posts
Thanks for stopping by my blog earlier! I appreciate it! I’m going over to check out your “confession”!
Have a great weekend!
Oh, Julie. Hope I don’t scare you off right away. Good luck
Nah! I’m hard to scare!
Sounded like it was quite the horrible experience, though!
I’m all about silver linings. I probably lost ten pounds that night, and learned a good lesson on who not to date. It wasn’t all that bad!
Lessons are good! Sorry you had to learn it that way, though. Being sick like that is never fun.
With all the ways that we manage to mismanage ourselves, it’s a wonder any of us ever end up wandering down the alley . . . oops, aisle.
Haha. I was a MESS in the dating scene. I’m just not wired for making great first, or second, or last impressions
It’s a real relief to be married now. He knows exactly how crazy I am and decided to get stuck with me anyways 
Okay, I’m heading over there right now to read. With a title like that, how could I resist??
I’m sorry in advance. It was not my finest moment but probably my smelliest
I’m heading over there. Should I be scared?
Probably. Whatever you do just don’t breathe through your nose
Ok, I gotta read some of these on that link. Hey, even us guys have disaster dates!
Phil
http://www.blog.theregularguynyc.com
This one was a doozy. Good news is I got this horrible embarrassment out of the way. After that night I could face plant, cry, or fart on a date and not even worry about it.
I’m sensing a wee bit of dirty dishostility here…but will mosey on over and read further.
Oh no! Poor Boyfriend and I were a hot mess together. On his own I’m sure he’s lovely. This particular dirty disaster was all me!
I can’t wait to check out your offering over on Renee’s blog, but I can’t move on after reading that first part in the parentheses. This part here:
(Except about the dirty dishes in the sink… right next to the dishwasher… which is empty and right next to the sink and waiting for his sour milk cereal bowl… because I emptied it.)
Why does it have to be that way? Why, Tori, WHY???? I have a bowl just like that on my counter as I type this (without the sour milk, but with the addition of cereal residue that, since it wasn’t rinsed, has hardened to the point that I’ll need sandpaper to remove it.)
I’m just passive agressive enough to leave that sucker there FOREVER. I just stare at that dirty bowl and mumble ugly, nasty things under my breath every time I walk by the kitchen.
Ooh! can’t wait to read it…
Oh, how I loved your post – and once, not too long ago, I seemed to use similar immature bachelorette tactics. As a newly almost-divorced woman, hopefully I have learned from those mistakes? Hopefully????
OH My! Although I once threw up on a guy’s shoes the night I met him and he actually called me the next day to see how I was and stuck around for 6 months.
What a champ he was! This particular boyfriend didn’t check. Not once. At the time I was actually a little relieved. If he had witnessed the mess I’d be that much more embarrassed!
Having to go number two at the boyfriend’s house is the absolute worst, LOL, and you took that to the next level. Nothing you could have done to stop it though, huh? Sorry I can’t help laughing but that story is hilarious!
I laugh about it all the time now. It was just… so… ridiculous. At the time I felt like pooping in a boyfriend’s apartment was a total life ruin-er. We loosen up and stop taking everything so seriously as we get older!
I had an incident just as bad and Ben had to help clean it up– he said that that was “true love”. Now, because of my IBS, the man is a saint.
Go Ben. After my experience, I appreciate any man who takes care of his girl like that.
This makes me cringe because I have a GREAT terrible breakup story (yes great AND terrible) about a should-never-have-gone-there BF, but I’m too embarrassed to even say! AGHASD;LKJAOGIHADGJH;AJF!!!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
What a fun little romp, oh, read this is! Renee
Sad. The whole night was decidedly romp-less
So sorry. But what a fun read!