TGI…WTF?

   I ain’t got no job. So days and weeks don’t mean what they used to. My Monday is eerily similar to a Saturday. The daily grind, this time lacking the set-schedule and paycheck, is what spurred me to start referring to any given week as a blob, a giant hunk of time not segmented like the traditional 9-to-5ers. It usually takes a couple clues for me to learn what day of the week it is. When I call my worker bee sister and have this conversation, I can safely assume it is probably day time on a Monday or maybe Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday:

“Hey girl. So, what’s up?”

Lily: “Um. Not much? Did you need something?”

“No. Oh muh Gawd, so I painted my nails this nude color. It’s super realistic. Nude really is nude. Now it looks like I’ve got ET fingers and a genetic inability to grow nails. Just ten inch finger flesh. Anyways, what are you up to? Ew girl. Did you get a landline or something? Your house phone is ringing off the hook. Seriously.”

Lily: “I’m at work. Because I work… and it’s Tuesday… and I work on Tuesdays. Soooo….”

On the flipside, I often wake before the men in my house. Every week there are at least two occasions when I vicariously panic, rush into the master bedroom, and yell “Ahhh. It’s already 7. It’s already 7, Tom. Get up. Get up. Get up. Tom. Work. Seven! Get up!”.  These two times are typically (always) Saturday and Sunday.

All of this is to say that, well, I put this post together to celebrate the end of your work week!  Happy Friday! It’s a Here’s A Fun Read To Waste Your Weekend post. I fail time once again. But while I rush out to buy a current Fancy Cats In Hats calendar and try to remember to use it, your Happy Friday came early. So TGIWhatever The Hell! Here are some good, good things to feast on this fine Friday.

Avett Brothers’ new album

Gangsta home decor for my uptight suburban walls

 

“Vajiggle jaggle”:

TLC’s new show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo makes us all feel a little better about ourselves.

Educational literature, like Everybody Poops… with more death & stuff. And… wait for it…..

 

The sequel.

 

“We’ve seen Snooki & JWoww, we’ve seen The Pauly D Project and now we’ll get to see all the other side projects!  I’m already looking forward to Vinny’s talk show, Feelings with Vinny, Deena’s dating show, Meatballin’ with D and for Mike to get a job as a waiter at Denny’s.”: Jason Shapiro’s hilarious article for HelloGiggles, a look at what life will be like now that Jersey Shore’s been cancelled. My theory? An immediate drop in STDs across the East Coast and air that suddenly doesn’t smell like hair gel and Axe Body Spray.

Other Good Things In Random Order of Goodness:

Beautiful Weather That Doesn’t Make Me Sweat Like An Armenian Wrestler

Coffee & Jittery Fingers (That’s how you know the java’s workin’!)

A clean house (courtesy of superhuman coffee-powered speed)

Underpants

Milk Duds on sale (STOCKPILE!)

Kids spontaneously rapping (Wait. Is that just my kid?)

Jodie Foster as Nell. “Do no kay, chickapea”. I, too, enjoy tay, tayin’ in nuh wind.

Bacon, bacon-flavored icing, bacon, bacon, bacon.

What good things get you through the week?

And seriously, is it only Wednesday?

 

 

 

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34 thoughts on “TGI…WTF?

  1. This is my life in a nutshell. “What day is it?” is constantly ringing in my otherwise organized (snort!) mind. I went for fancy puppies to help me keep the days straight. And then I got tired of them. Too much cheesy cuteness even for me.
    Good luck with your….Wednesday?? Enjoy your fancy cats and may they always keep your days in order for you. Just be careful. Cats are often conniving. There is a possibility that they will tell you it’s Friday on the occasional Tuesday–just because that’s what they do.

    • Kaela, I hate cats. This is part of my genius plan. When I wake up every morning terrified to see that evil little feline face smirking at me it is quite a shock… just enough of a nightmare surprise to make me remember the date!

  2. I totally stock up on Milk Duds, even when they are not on sale. I’m a hardcore addict.

    Hillarious post, thanks for sharing. And sadly, yes, it’s only Wednesday. Glad to see it’s the same ominous feeling for those unemployed as those employed.

    Is it really only Wednesday? Sigh….

    • Wednesday, that girl is such a disappointment, always. Good news is… now it’s Thursday? That counts as Friday Eve, right?
      P.S. I actually went a little overboard on the Milk Dud front and gave my self Dud-induced gallbladder issues. I’m a true addict though, so giving them up for good was not gonna happen. Just have to pace myself now :)

  3. I can relate. I started working when I was 16 years old and even when I switched jobs, there was never a gap between jobs. This is the first time in my life (age: 42) that I have been unemployed. The days are weird. My husband’s job keeps me straight with the work days though. Plus, now that I’m pregnant, I have a calendar close by to keep up on the doctor’s appointments. That helps :)

    • How exciting! Pregnancy is an excellent reason to keep track of the days! No surprise delivery: “What do you mean I’m full term? I thought I was like 16 weeks preggers, max!”.

  4. I’ve been working from home for nearly a decade and can’t keep the days straight either. Occassionally, I do months-long 9-5 stints on site and really learn to appreciate the weekend.

    I heart “all my friends are dead.” Haven’t yet read the sequel. I highly recommend “Bigfoot: I Not Dead.” HI-Larious!

  5. Definitely relate to this! I can’t keep track of days, have no concept of time, stay up super late, get up at an asinine hour, and nap when my toddler terrorist naps. It is awesome!

    • Naps. Naps are a good thing. I met a new neighbor whose son is Thomas’ age but doesn’t nap. I don’t know. I just felt I needed to cry and hug her, like she’d just told me she had a fatal disease.

  6. “Kids spontaneously rapping (Wait. Is that just my kid?)”

    Heck no! My daughter actually just called me in while she was showering last night, with “Hey mom, come hear my new rap!” and proceeded to bust out a random nursery ryhme, complete with thrown signs and “yo!”. She’s 9. It’s awesome, and hilarious!

    • Hahahahahaha. Love it. “Yo” makes any sentence instantly more “hood”. My gangsta is definitely rubbing off on my son, who – when dressed in his new PJs last night- announced he was “lookin’ good, homie”.

  7. No job here either, so I’m feelin’ your calendar woes. Good things today: My husband came home from night shift grumpy–Bedtime is a good thing.
    My kids were so worn out that they went straight to sleep so waking them was easy peezy lemon squeezy–again, Bedtime is a good thing. I made some kick ass pasta for dinner complete with homemade garlic bread–Food is always a good thing. I got to read your post–always a good thing. ;)

    BTW, what is a Honey Boo Boo? Please tell me that is NOT someone’s real name.

  8. Hey, I’m in the stay-at-home (read as “unemployable”) crowd, so I just take it easy. No plans, no schedule. Just my Mondays – American Chopper day. And my Tuesdays through Fridays – Deutsche Welle News at 2pm. And my Saturdays – Deutsche Welle News at 9am. And my Sundays – Fox’s Animation Domination.
    Hmm. Do I detect a pattern here? 8O
    “Hi, my name is John E., and I’m a TV-holic.” :D

    • I’m right there with you, dude. Luckily Thomas is around most days so an all-day crime drama TV marathon is out of the question. I can, however, get into some Mickey Mouse Clubhouse!

  9. Honey, honey boo boo is the bomb, and of course, she hails from my state. Always surfing to find some TV show that has to translate what southerners are saying.
    Love the Avetts, and your lil gangsta, too. I’m glad it’s Wednesday! But right now I work on weekends…:(

    • Oh ick. Working weekends is the worst! Also, so glad someone else watches that Honey Boo Boo trainwreck. My cousin just informed me that they live about 30 minutes away from her house. I’m going to visit immediately!

    • I have to watch Honey Boo Boo in 5 minute increments. Crack in small doses, ya know? It is horrific and trashy, but just what I need to make myself feel smart and on top of things some days :)

  10. Pingback: WTF is a Honey Boo Boo? « scatteringmoments

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