Does This Photo Make Me Look Phat?

As described by Urban Dictionary:

1. phat:

adjective, phat·est, phat·er, phat· fo’ shizzle, phat· is whack

1. cool 2. Pretty Hot And Tempting

ex: Dude! That ish is phat
2. phat:
adjective, phat·est, phat·er, phat· fo’ shizzle, phat· is whack
1. A stupid word. 2. Stop using it.
ex: Pathetic Kid: God, that chick is PHAT, man…
       Dumb Kid: What? I don’t think she’s fat.
So, even my slang is a hot mess. Lucky for me, I had the help of one seriously talented hair and makeup artist and a brilliant photographer to make sure we looked a little hip, a little phat, and never, ever fat on wedding day. From the first look photos (creeped up on the groom as he waited in all his Forest Gump-ness on a nearby park bench) to the death-defying shots of us staging an Abbey Road re-do across Nashville’s busy Broadway Avenue (Celi, our brave, camera-wielding warrior, clicked and captured as she navigated the balance beam of the road’s yellow center line. She may or may not have lost an arm and been chest-bumped by a rogue pony drawing a carriage), the Very Bloggy Wedding Day was off to a dope, phat, supa dupa fresh start.

A gift for the groom: A giant handle of Tennessee whiskey & a card that read “Marriage is forever… You’re gonna need this”

slap a bow on that beehive, girl.

And Tom’s gift to me, pearl earrings and a definite understanding of which of us is the classier of the two.

Shock & Awe… the beehive has that effect on people.

Wishing I’d paid $99.99 for The Tennessee Barbizon School of Modeling intro class.

prom pose.

Not pictured: hundreds of stranger tourists snapping camera pics of the crazies crossing the street.

As we approached the venue, we were shocked to see wedding guests lingering outside. We ducked into a random alley and pretty picture memories were made.

le womenz

For One Night Only: Live & In Person…. posing with our concert post sign outside the venue.

Maid of Honor, primps in front of the masses.

the man folk

sweetness

All that *phatty **phatness and the party hasn’t even started yet. Stay tuned for some legally binding, officially officiating hitching commitments. It’s ceremony time, and things are about to get equal parts sappy and weird.

*click on phatty phat photos to enlarge.

**Sorry I keep saying “phatty phat”. Old slang dies hard.

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67 thoughts on “Does This Photo Make Me Look Phat?

  1. Gosh, Tori, this photos are phabulous! Or should I say decidedly not-phlabulous! Can’t wait for more, my friend. It was a phantastic experience for Sara and me. We love you, my phriend!
    Hugs,
    Kathy

  2. Tori- YOU LOOK GORGEOUS! What a beautiful day! The photography is stunning! I totally love it- Especially the skyline photo! Wow! Funny thing about the word PHAT…my husband told me once- “You’re not Fat. You’re PHAT. Pretty Hot And…..Pretty Hot and…. (confused look- searching for the word look then…) Well. You’re pretty hot.” Bwahahhahahahahahahaa!

    • Renee, you are SO NICE. Also you have not seen my usual bed-head-in-the-afternoon-sloppy-sweatpants look. So, with my hair all a mess this morning, I’ll take the compliment…even if I don’t deserve it :)

  3. Such a beautiful bride . . . (very refined Phat) :)

    These are great photos — as were Kathryn’s, as posted immediately post-wedding day. Just knew the sun was gonna shine for your beautiful day! (Glad your ISP has been subdued, or whipped into shape, or . . . ?)

    • Haha! I have never heard of refined Phat, but I’ll take it! Thank you! I think I have the internet mess under control. Of course, now that I’ve dared to say that aloud, my computer will probably malfunction :)

  4. You DEFINITELY rocked that beehive! And I love the alley photo – beauty amongst the grime of inner-city life. Though I have to say, that’s a dang clean alley. Looks neater than parts of my house do right now! :D

    • John on behalf of my husband thanks! He works for the Nashville public works division and keeping allies and roads clean and clear is part of their job so thanks for noticing! Lol

      • That’s cool to hear, Britney. My dad was a telephone company man, and my father-in-law worked with the Water Department in South Bend, but this is my first contact with the “Streets and San” crowd. I have to admit, though I love my former (and future) hometown of Chicago, there are a lot of alleyways there that could serve as sets for a post-nuclear war film! Honest – I’ve seen less miscellaneous stuff at a garbage dump. (And yes, I have actually been to 3 or 4 dumps. Quite the high-class world tourer, ain’t I? :D )

      • Haha! I love it. Some folks take bus tours and head to museums. John gets to a new city and is all “Hey. So, where is your biggest, grossest dump?”. You are awesome, John.

      • Not so much me looking for them, more them finding me. Well, dumps and REALLY bad neighborhoods. I once took a walk in LA, with about a grand of camera equipment around my neck, turned a corner, and found myself on a real Skid Row! Another time, I was gonna take a walk over to what I thought was a railyard next to a Jersey hotel. The concierge stopped me, explaining that was a Federal Supermax Pen!
        I never had a dull time traveling. Safe? Not so much, but definitely exciting! :D

      • Woot! Tell Jason he is getting a big old internet high-five from me for keeping that city sparkling clean. There aren’t too many places where a girl can run around the streets in her wedding dress without smelling like garbage afterwards!

      • Annnnd the jig is up. It’s an incredly detailed painted backdrop of an alley I had crane-lifted in a few days before. I didn’t have the heart to tell readers we just did the whole wedding shindig at my grandma’s house :)

      • Hey, wait a minute! You’re claiming that WASN’T a real alley? You’re gonna take away my kudos to Britney’s husband for such a clean alley? Are you TRYING to break poor Britney’s heart? Huh?!? Are ya?!? HUH?!? ;)

    • I can tell you that alley is DEFINITELY cleaner than my house right now. After packing and moving, I can’t muster the energy to unpack and clean. It’s all dusty boxes being used as coffee tables right now :)

  5. Oh man, these pictures are whatever the new word for phat is!! You look STUNNING. Glad you didn’t waste your money on modeling school – you don’t need it! I *love* the red shoes and your gift to the hubs. The Abbey Road pictures were so worth it – they’re great!

    • The Abbey Road shots were crazy. There were people crowding around either side of the street. We probably ran back and forth 8 times. Every time we’d get to the other side a slew of total strangers would start patting us on the back and snapping pictures. We went out downtown after the wedding and actually ran into a hage group of bachelorettes who were all “You’re that girl! I have pictures of you on my phone!”. It was bizarre to say the least.

    • It was perfect. Perfect weather, perfect place. I realized at the wedding that I probably could’ve gotten away with not decorating the wedding at all. That skyline, the lights, the sky: just about every guest commented on what a breathtaking place it was.

  6. Tori, my dear, you are radiant! What a beautiful bride. Can I have those shoes now that you’re done with them? I kind of have a thing for red shoes…

    • Oh, Peg. I would love to send you my shoes. You look so feminine and petite, though, so I’m concerned. I have the feet of an NFL player turned drag queen, so you might need to stuff them with tissue… or find a dude looking like a lady in your neighborhood.

    • I loved the lack of poses. When we met Celi that was really the only thing I said to her: no cheesy poses. The rest was all up to her, and she did an amazing job!

  7. So beautiful Tori! I live the pic of you getting those earrings the joy on your face radiates through the picture! Can’t wait to see and hear more!

    • The gift cracked me up because I had been changing my earrings all day. I couldn’t decide which ones of my own to wear. RIGHT before we walked out the door, someone reminded me to open the gift from Tom and there they were. Could’ve saved me some outfit worries if I’d only opened it sooner :)

  8. But…where’s the Forrest Gump shot?! I really wanted to see that. Then again, I realize that life is like a box of chocolates and sometimes you don’t get that fudge filled nougat you craved most.

    • Haha. I’m willing to bet that you’ll have Tom’s favorite comment of the day. When we did the whole First Look shot, he was sitting alone on a bench. I came up and tapped his shoulder, so the picture where he is turning around smiling and I’m making some awful happy face is the post-Forest shot. So close!

    • We lucked out on the photo front. Our photographer edited all the photos and then sorted them onto discs so we got them in the mail already organized. This is good, because otherwise I’d still be putting off fixing/ sharing them!

  9. Ohmigosh your dress your makeup your hair your beautiful face!! You are like a goddess! These pictures will last the test of time, they’ll be put in wedding picture albums of the future for people to know how to take wedding pictures.
    I love your gift! Haha!
    I’m SO happy for you. =)

    • You is sweetness :) I really looked around for a long time trying to find a typical, sentimental gift for him. I guess traditionally the groom gets something like a watch or cuff links, and I knew that just wasn’t going to cut it. Plus, after listening to me talk on and on about wedding junk for a year, the poor guy deserved a drink :)

  10. You look mahvelous, darling! Gorgeous! The pictures truly are stunning. I love the ones of you two holding hands, crossing the street and the one where he’s kissing your cheek…you can feel the love right through the computer screen. Congrats, Tori!

    • Ah, I’m jealous. I loved having big hair for the day, but it was all smoke and mirrors and teasing combs and giant amounts of hair product. In real life? I have dinky cat hair that just wants to hang out all straight and wet noodle like. I DO have a pretty cool hair post coming up. Rachel, the mastermind behind the beehive, gave me a post wedding trim. Pretty much I have two inches of hair and a naked neck!

  11. OH MY! It’s so classic, sexy, cool!! Tori, you are such a beautiful,
    stylish bride. Could these photos be any more magazine worthy?! The
    bouquet and shoe detail shots caught me immediately but I love, love,
    love the skyline shots and the alley pics are perfect. The black and
    white photos give it that instant classic look and you and the hubs
    crossing the street & prom-ing it up, please — no wonder you were causing a scene. And your card to your hubbie is too funny! Only you.

    Please tell me you are working with your fantastic photographer to submit these to the wedding media universe. No pressure, but Style Me Pretty – The Bride’s Cafe – Southern Weddings – 100 Layer Cake – Green Wedding Shoes – The Knot – Unveiled – Bride’s Magazine, etc await. They need to know how good your readers are, lol!

    • The photographer, Celi Mosley, is ridiculously amazing. I keep telling Tom I feel like we need to pay her more to which his response is “Um. The wedding was a month ago”. She was climbing on rooftops, running through traffic, laying across the floor. You name it, she did it, and all to get cool pictures of our wedding.
      I loved the shoe/ bouquets being so bright since everything else was white and clean. And, girlllll, those necklaces on the bridesmaids were insane. I had a little bridesmaid envy :)
      I would love to submit to wedding sites, but- truth be told- I am kind of clueless about it. Celi took such amazing photos (seriously, I have a couple thousand edited shots and those she said were just the “good ones”) that I’d love to share her work. Do I just e-mail these wedding folks? I know you are the professional!

    • Thanks! The hairdo and the makeup and the flowers and the, well, all of it, really. That was all chosen with blog votes. I lucked out big time. If left to my own, unstylish devices, I probably would have opted for sweatpants and a dirty ponytail :)

    • We were pretty pumped and stoked AND amped to see the photos. Celi was a photography champ: climbing onto the roof & standing in the middle of downtown traffic all for the sake of getting some cool shots!

  12. I love the wedding photos. Yeah, you look phat (not fat)! The dress is so pretty – and I think the best hairstyle won in voting.

    I cracked up at your gifts to each other. You both have more class than my hubby and I – we didn’t get each other anything. I guess we figured life with us would be treat enough….we didn’t think that through very well, did we? :lol:

  13. So. So. Gorgeous! These photos are stunning, Tori. My fave is the one of you two crossing the street, though the sketchy alley one is a close runner-up. You look AMAZING in all of them!

    • Thanks, lady :) Our photographer, Celi, was awesome. I decided I’d like her just to live with us and document everything. Her pictures have a way of making every little thing seem gorgeous.

  14. Pingback: The She With The He Hair « the ramblings

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