I spent hours scouring countless ads on Craigslist.
I almost bought a ’71 Chevy from a guy named Burt. Daydreaming of what kind of impressive mustache I hoped this Burt donned, I nearly missed the part where his car was missing two tires, an engine, four windows, and a hood. Tricky Burt, your Chevy is a bike.
I made friends with a lovely lass named Veronica. I was excited to meet such a personable potential coffee mate, but then things got sour. She wanted $100-per-hour to hang out and kept reminding me that she worked as a professional masseuse although I’d never asked.
I was offered a lucrative at-home, totally-not-a-scam job with potential to earn upwards of $500,000 a year. I just had to divulge my social security number and date-of-birth and then mail a blank check to a PO Box outside of Oklahoma City.
And then I found what I’d been looking for. Filled with such glee and overwhelming relief at the sight, I was just sure this was the happy ending Veronica had been talking about!
No car, no new friend, no promised paycheck could compare to this Craigslist treasure. I found….
Why the love affair with discount dosey-doe-ers?
Several months ago, one of the first posts dedicated to my reader-planned nuptials asked *Very Bloggy Wedding planners for creative centerpiece ideas for our retro-country wedding.Ever the creative and clever bunch, readers delivered with the brilliantly funky concept of western boots as vases. Behold the Bloomin’ Boot:
I loved the notion of using a standard country staple in a modern, out-of-the-box way for our little Big Day, and immediately set out to buy some boots! After the price of new boots proved to be a budget buster, I focused my search on popular resale sites. While declining internet chat messages from Veronica ( I appreciate the subtle innuendo of a screen name like lusciousbooty4u), I met Pam, a middle-aged local woman who is most likely not a professional masseuse. Pam did not offer to rub my back, but what she was offering was sweet, twangy, sweet, sweet music to my pocketbook.
Pam’s ad: ” FOR SALE: 6 PAIR OF COWBOY BOOTS. NO PICS. $60 OBO”
Tori: “YAY. YAY! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!”
Tori: “So excited about your boots! Double!! Wait. You’re not trying to get me to “solicit” other “services” are you?”
Pam: “You messaged me. Do you want the boots or what?”
Tori: “Yes! Also glad you’re not Veronica”
Pam (Not A Hooker): “Whatever. When can you pick them up?”
Tori: “What does OBO mean?”
Pam of No Patience: “It means you’ll pay me 60 bucks for them. That’s what it means.”
Tori: “Great! I can get them from you Friday!”
So, Pam doesn’t exactly want to be friends, and I figured out the concept of Or Best Offer haggling a little too late, but I saw that my $60 was well spent when I set eyes on the glorious trash bag full of old boots. First I lined up all twelve shoes in the living room. Then I spooned with them on my bed. Next I stacked them high in a pyramid of pretty in the yard. Then I sniffed, and the dirty boots still smelled of cow patties. And finally, I washed my sheets.
Last Tuesday the honeymoon phase with these beloved wedding decorations came to a halt when I realized that while the boots were perfect in their duty as footwear, they might need a little help to blossom into the Bloomin’ Boots you had in mind. The boots, each pair a different style with intricate braiding and stitching, also differed in color. Some black, some brown, some mustard-meets-mayonaisse, they would surely clash with the lovely color scheme and various decor details already selected by you, my wedding planners.
So yesterday, I hauled my bag-o-boots into the open air for some spray paint and Southern sacrilege. In the distance I heard Patsy Cline moan. Crazy. Crazy for tainting ho-ly booooots. For the love of Nascar, was that The Dolly Parton joining in to voice her disapproval, too?
False alarm. My neighbor just ran over a child squirrel.
Regardless of what some country folk might consider the unforgivable maiming of a perfectly good cowboy accessory, I shook the sin out of some cans of spray paint and gave the boots a spritz. To see your idea through to the finish, cast your vote for best boot below!
OPTION #1: Rustic & Rugged
Four of the boots from non-hookering Pam are similar shades of tan. They are a tad shorter than the rest of the boots, but are in great shape (like Veronica… or so she says). Floral arrangements would need to be on a lower/smaller scale to match the size of these naked boots.
OPTION #2: A Pop of Color
Like if that “pop” hopped up and smacked your face. Coordinating with our red and icy blue color scheme, the boots are more modern in bright hues. To tone down the bold color of the boots, flowers and decor around the boots would be kept light.
OPTION #3: I HATE EVERYTHING!
If both options make you gag, that’s cool, too. Leave your suggestion for a cute book makeover in the comments section!
Choose your favorite & leave a comment below!
Voting will stay open all weekend. I’ve got a dinner date with Burt and Veronica. Something tells me Burt’s paying.
*Check out the Very Bloggy Wedding page
to see the wedding progress
you’ve planned so far!