The Wordmanizer & Her Six-Word Life

Words are easy for me. Like a spray-tanned stud prancing into a bar, I prey on some words like he fearlessly, perhaps shamelessly, starts collecting digits from a sea of ready-to-be-loved ladies. You know you want me, words. Don’t fight it. No. I don’t have a girlfriend. I just let my mom keep some of her bras at my place.Will I still love you tomorrow? Meh, I’ll be on to greener posts by daybreak.

Hey girl heyyyyy.

So it is not a burdensome chore to court a wordy piece. Just the opposite, it is simple, like breathing… or convincing a tipsy girl that you are a televangelist/doctor despite those questionable prison tats peeking out from under your sleazy sleeve.

Surprisingly, it is a seemingly basic task involving words which leaves me breathless, dateless, and feeling like this player just got played.

Smith Mag kicked off a genius project to strip the daunting job of writing a memoir down to the bones. The concept of Six-Word Memoirs is as simple as it is self-explanatory: Tell your life story in just six words. No lengthy chapters, tedious structuring, or chronological flow. Just write. Six words. Your story.

I sat down with a pen and a helpful hand ready to count on fingers the six words my head is incapable of calculating. I squinted one eye, twitched the opposite brow, and wiggled the tip of my nose, my thinking face. My brain flipped through its hefty black book, trolling for which fine, young words to holler at on this steamy Wednesday night. I could call Ambidextrous, but she’s kind of a show off. Or maybe Dance-tastic? She’s fun AND double-jointed. 

This disturbing internal dialogue continued through various adjectives under and over verbs and into nouns. With only six to choose, how could this wordmanizer make up her mind? It was asking Charlie Sheen to pick a single goddess, knowing full well that goddesses can only goddessize in numbers.

I started scribbling and failing woefully the task of counting from one to six.

About that time I gave birth:

Push. Ring of Fire. Please don’t use those scissors. (niner)

The most fun the world can offer. (Seven and ripped off from my sister)

About my Southern heritage:

Mo’ butter. Mo’ butter. Mo’ butter.(Six! Six but sucking)

Dumber than dirt. Bless her heart.

Oh! Or maybe my very first date?:

Lip Smackers, your braces are cruel. 

Love is gross and mostly slobbery. 

This is easy! My memoir should most certainly involve my lengthy history of inappropriate emotional responses:

In a funeral procession, she’s dancing. 

Lady tumbles. Help? Nervous Laugh.

This is hard. I begged for help from my lovingly unenthusiastic partner:

The bloom fell off the rose?

Please, I don’t want to play.

And then I got it. The perfect, six-word description of my life. It’s genuine, from the heart (and maybe gut), and exactly how I suspect folks will remember me:

[Toot] I always didn’t do it. 

Thankfully, I’m back to not tooting, not limiting myself to the late-night slim pickings left ’round the bar, and not caring that a six-word post morphed into six-hundred.

How would your six-word memoir read?

Mama’s Losin’ It

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65 thoughts on “The Wordmanizer & Her Six-Word Life

  1. Wanting to excel; not always succeeding. :)

    (This reminds me of a university writing assignment we had once: we started off by writing a 10-page essay, then we had to cut the essay down to 5 pages… then 2… then 1 page… then a solitary paragraph. It sure taught me how to write concisely, but now I flaunt my run-on sentences and comma splices!!)

    • That description of your shrinking paper made me want to sign up for school just to drop out. Ickkkk! I think you succeed more than you think, MaChickChick!

  2. “Far more bizarre than anyone thinks.” – or –
    “Mind of future, heart of past.” – for my love of history and sci-fi.
    Or, perhaps the ultimate
    “The brother nobody knew Curly had.” :D
    For you, it’s easy:
    “The most awesome lady blogging today.” :)
    (Just don’t tell Jamie, or she might hunt me down! ;) )

  3. Ahahaha! I love all of these, six words or otherwise.

    The one I wrote some weeks back was much less giddy:
    Dreamed many things. Lived better ones.

    If I were to write a slightly more uplifting one, I suppose it’d go something like:
    You know nothing, Mom. Except–damn.

    • How many times can a sister have a headache in one week? I spent three minutes trying to get this down to six words. Now it hardly makes sense:
      Ain’t player. I just crush lots.

  4. 30 feels a lot like 80. <—– Sums my whole 30 years up in 6 words! I just can't wait to see what 80 actually feels like!

    Oh dear God, does she not know what makes a baby yet? Didn't quite fit the 6 word assignment! Ha ha.

    And I've have to say, I just love your Misters "Please, I don't want to play"! ha…

  5. I’m going out of the box with this exercise and say that my 6-words are:

    “six words doesn’t do it justice”

    I love the exercise and the post, but prefer not to limit myself in a description of my life to this point. I prefer being Wordphry Bogart!

    • Ha. Haha. Ha. Your funny Real Jim.
      I was driving myself crazy trying to stick to six words. Although (and I know you will appreciate the very gangsta reference) I did think this would apply to my notable street cred:
      Power in money. Money in power.
      Minute after minute. Hour after Hour.
      {Insert flamboyant gang signs and sagging pants}

  6. Takes it one step too far!

    This is actually an exact description of me, according to my husband. To be silly, and only around people that I know well, I will say what people only dare to think!

  7. “Searching for work outside the classroom.”

    “Purring cat persistently perches on shoulder.”

    These are my realities right now. (The Woogs says hello, by the way…and so does her very loud purr-motor.)

    Personally, Tori, I rather like “In a funeral procession, she’s dancing.” Social inappropriateness aside, I think it can be read metaphorically, too. Like in that “no matter what the situation, Tori finds occasion to be happy.” Love this post! Great challenge! :)

    • Haha! How’s the feisty morning food snatcher doing?
      And thanks for the positive perspective on my funeral dancing. I’ve mostly been told it is horribly, horribly wrong :)

  8. I love those Smith Mag 6 word memoirs. I’ve been following them on twitter for a while. Some of them are really genius.
    I really like “In a funeral procession, she’s dancing.” And “Lady tumbles. Help? Nervous Laugh.” could so be one of mine!

    Here’s mine:
    Well adjusted, but I shouldn’t be.

  9. Aaack! Once again, I’ve got nothing.

    That’s it. It doesn’t matter what the situation is – when my brain needs to think of something smart to say (or write), it always fails me. I guess that leaves me with one more:

    Need new brain. Can you help?

  10. Mine… living a county music love song!
    Two trails become one road.
    Quit hogging the back seat.
    I call shot gun! Lol I was born with twin so I guess you could say I’ve had to fight for my own space a lot! Oh ps I checked out ur friend amys page (fix it or deal) and I love love love the zombie of the month page!

  11. Women never do it — or at least there is usually a man around to blame. I doubt that is the thing people will remember most about you :)

    Great post — I chose 6 words to.
    (visiting from MKat)

    • Isn’t it? I was frustrated at first. All of my ideas were seven, eight, and sometimes twenty words. Once I got the hang of it, I was bothering everybody in the house with my six-word snips!

  12. Your post totally made me laugh! Usually I would struggle to cut my words down as well, but that one came to me so easily it was scary! Thanks for the comment on my blog, I appreciate it! :)

  13. Oh, the pressure of a sentence! Wait! That’s six words. Done. The ring of fire phrase brought back all sorts of nasty memories. Three, to be exact. Good thing the fruits of our labor are so amazing that they push all of the horror that came before into the distant background. Until they start to grow up and give us all sorts of new horrors. ;) I seem to be in a mood today. Dear God, is it morning already? There’s another one.

Ramble on, little rambler...

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