Wedding On A Budget: Backwoods or Bankrupt?

"I can't spend your love at the grocery store." -Susan Tedeschi

       For the frugal bride-to-be the process of paying for a wedding can feel like a roundhouse kick to the gut followed by a swift punch to the wallet. Since plunging into the frigid waters of wedding planning, I’ve gagged on pink waves of taffeta, spitting excess pearls as I gasped for air.  Exasperated and losing my will to tread these lacy waters, I clung to the one, true thing in this world. My life jacket! My rock! My ability to out-budget the best of ‘em! It’s been this confidence in my level-headed spending saving  habits that’s kept me afloat.

     I forged ahead with the positive attitude that this whole holy union business was only complicated (i.e. super much expensive) if a girl lost grip of her pocketbook and trusted the diamond-covered wedding professional floating by. I began my penny-pinching planning by taking to the Web in search of “budget-friendly” service providers. The interaction was basically all the same:

Tori Saves Cans To Get Paid: Why, hello there. I read that you are budget friendly. I am looking for a simple {Insert something that should not cost more than you make in a year} and hoping you could help me with this.

Ja Ja SpendMore: Fabulous! We can absolutely fabulousize your fabulously fabulous Big Day! We offer the most fabulous quality for the most fabulous deal. Fabulosity, no?

Tori Dry-Heaving, Fabulously: Um. Fabulous? Your site says that you are very affordable. My budget is {Insert amount lacking several digits…hundreds of digits}.

Ja Ja Over It: Oh, honey. Not that affordable.
  

     It became clear that the Ja Ja’s of the world were out for blood and bonuses. I got the sense that the collective sum was waiting to swipe my tidy checkbook from under me and watch from golden jet skis as we sink into debt. So I clenched my wallet even tighter and declared to the up-selling divas ”Over my cold ring finger”.

    This dedication to saving-versus-splurging has made planning a tedious process. The logical part of my brain (albeit tiny) knows that certain things are worth a dollar or two or maybe even two thousand. Pardon me while I scratch these hives. Big numbers make the throat close up. It is with this in mind that my fiance and I sat down to work through a budget:

Dude:     Oh, I already wrote a budget up. I’m eight kinds of prepared.

Mrs. Doubtful: Hmm. Great? Let’s take a look. Dear? You put $1,000 for BAR and left out FOOD… and DRESS… and a PLACE TO EAT THE FOOD WHILE WEARING THE DRESS. Are we ’bout to tailgate?

Oblivious B.I.G.: Oh. I see what you mean. We  probably need food,too.

        Yes. Yes we do. I left our budget meeting wondering if it is possible to pull off a simple but nice wedding without selling a kidney.

And then I remembered you, my Very Bloggy Wedding Planners, a group of dedicated readers ready to tread the waters beside me.

Quick Question: How many of you think I’m about to ask for envelopes of money and generosity?

Answer: FOOLISH. I don’t even eat the free sample snacks at the grocery and those precious ladies in hair nets  practically beg you to take them.

   Instead, I would love to share some cost-saving tips I’ve learned thus far and invite you to sample this plastic cup filled with microwaved chicken & dumplings add some of your genius to the conversation.

THE FABULOUSLY FABULOUS GUIDE TO FABULOUSLY CHEAP CHIC WEDDINGS:

1. Determine which aspects of the wedding are most important to you and spend money in relation to how high a service/product ranks. EXAMPLE: I don’t care about wearing shoes at this shindig,  but you better believe I’m gonna have a Diet Coke Fountain.

2. People don’t have to know from whence things came. A rose smells just as sweet if you don’t pay a florist to plop it in a fancy vase or if the rose is really a daisy after all. Maybe those votive candles came from a dollar store in the shady part of town. Maybe those appetizers came from a can.

3. If the mere mention of the cost of your wedding makes you need a stiff drink, YOU ARE SPENDING TOO MUCH FOR LE FABULOUS. I would hate to feel like that bouquet cost my kid a college education.

4. Guests never, ever, in the history of tuxedos and DJs remember the things you go so far out of your way and wallet to incorporate. I’ve been to weddings with photo booths, belly dancers, and caviar. I’ve left wondering why the servers are forced to wear white gloves or how the bride’s aunt managed to limbo so very, very low.

                       What’s your *tip for saving cash and a little dignity in the wedding planning process?

*Most creative answer wins the opportunity to purchase this fabulicious sample of chicken & dumplings for a very **affordable rate.

**Well, not that affordable.

 

This just in! Jamie at The Life of Jamie is pulling out the big (glue) guns with her post “Why I Want To Be Tori’s Wedding Planner”. Get creative, planners, because sister is dangerously close to winning the proverbial chicken & dumpling Cup-O-Victory!