The Sunday Paper: Most Likely To Write A Blog Post About Blog Posts

As the first of a new weekly installment, The Sunday Paper, I will give props where props are due. As I have no interest in reading an actual newspaper on lazy Sunday mornings, I often turn to my favorite blogs to give entertainment and journalistic insight. This should serve as a warning. Should anything truly important happen (Charlie Sheen manages to NOT do drugs or the world is ending in a bizarre alien siege), I hope one of you will have the common decency to write about it on your site and let a sister know. Newsworthy posts I’ve read throughout the week will get their proper publicity. Featured bloggers, I hope I didn’t get you too excited. When I say publicity, I simply mean my three readers (most of whom are related to me and therefore genetically obligated to follow my silly blog) will more than likely check out your extra awesome contributions to the Blogosphere! Extra! Extra! Extra Readers!

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All this talk of awards shows is killing me. Don’t you people know the most important show of talent and honorable mentions doesn’t come until May?

There is no bigger accomplishment as a human being than to be considered the best among peers. No, not the elitist producers, members of the Academy, or Joan Rivers (playing fashionista while wearing a gold, mother-of-the-bride get-up is this world’s most ironic tragedy). I’m talking about awards that really mean something, that tell the recipient once and forever that he or she never need worry about feeling like a loser. Afterall, Tatum O’Neal was assured by The Little Gold Man that she was winner at the age of ten. Clearly, he didn’t have the foresight to mention that the Oscar glow can fade, and people will generally avoid you once your erratic, crazy-pants side kicks in at 12.  Had Tatum lived an Oscar-free life in the halls of an average, Los Angeles high school, she would have gotten the truth. Tatum sounds an awful lot like Tantrum, and you win in the category of Most Likely To Have Daddy Issues. Which brings me to my point, the most meaningful accolade paid is that of the High School Superlative.

     Most Dependable, Class Clown, Most Likely To Get Arrested While Drunk Napping On The Courthouse Steps: it is more beneficial to tell people what they are or are not before they really get out into the world. The superlative acts as a teen’s determining life path. A boy told he is the most dependable should go forward into adulthood practicing vanilla-bland patience and predictability. When I was labelled Best All Around in school, I took this to heart, making every daily activity a fierce competition. I will not settle for less. I am the BEST floor mopper, the BEST cake eater, and the BEST diaper changer IN THE WORLD. (I have no factual proof of this, but then again it’s really all about projecting confidence, right?)

www.nataliedee.com

A few months before May and a few decades past high school graduation for some, get ready for a sneak peek of what will be hitting yearbook stands soon:

Most Likely To Take A Dare, A Double Dog Dare & A Triple Dog Dare: Jim from 30 Before 30 is fearless. More fearless than Taylor Swift, or maybe even Evil Kenevil, which is saying a lot. His blog, centered around his quest to fulfill 30 life goals before his 30th birthday, follows his hilarious journey as a sports-lovin’ dad and life lover! From taking the Polar Bear Plunge in the frigid ocean to learning how to be a rock star, his quest to conquer lifelong dreams is inspiring. Not only can he brave the icy sea in his underpants, he also has the patience of a saint. Check out his post “Can You Feel the Heat Now?” to truly appreciate how calm and collected a dude can be.

Most Likely To Actually Kill Someone With Kindness:  Kelle Hampton of Enjoying The Small Things is a well-known (has four hundred million readers and great hair) blogger who is so darn sweet I can hardly stand it. No, really. On particularly grumpy days, I find myself almost physically unable to click over to her page because her perspective is always flawless and happy. No, Kelle. I’d like to stew in my stinky attitude for a moment longer. No more talk of rainbows and glitter, miss. Her glass is eternally overflowing, despite her hectic life as a professional photographer, mother of two, and advocate for special needs children (Her youngest daughter is a gorgeous and thriving beauty born with Down Syndrome). Her post “Falling Softly” is a rare look at  her moments of spoken frustration and -as always- her ability to spin that frown upside down. Check out her site for a daily dose of gratitude and lovely.

Most Likely To Rid The World of Ugly Words: A.Hab.’s View Of The World is a ridiculously entertaining voyage of a college professor, writer, wife, and full-time, sassy girl, Mrs. H.  Join her as she whips out a masterful dissertation and gracefully encounters students so oblivious at times they make you want to home school your baby for eternity. Her post “From the Other Side of the Desk: alienating your reader” is just one of the endless stories of  Mrs. H’s eloquent educating of the pretty clueless. I thank her for her dedication to wiping the plague of Ill-Informed Vocabulary from the earth!

Most Likely To Have A Poor, Skinny Cat: Renee of Life In The Boomer Lane is a published author (She gets royalties, y’all!) and talented writer, with a knack for weaving a story so effortlessly that you swear you were just sitting, chatting with her at the coffee shop. This week she dished out several newsworthy posts in which she details the daunting threat of morbidly obese felines as it relates to the tilted share of money in the United States. It all makes sense. Trust. Check out her post “Fat Pets and Fatter Wallets” for the truth behind this serious health scare! Totally unrelated but equally insightful, read Renee’s post “Crib Shits” for a lesson in being a gracious customer. Sometimes we have a million jokes to crack and being quiet is the hardest part.

Most Likely To Know What You’re Thinking Before You Think About Thinking It: Jamie of The Life of Jamie is a feisty mom and comedic blogging champion. As discussed before, I rarely read a paper or otherwise educate myself, so Jamie’s hilarious, weekly summaries of what’s up and going down in this crazy world give me the laugh I like and the common knowledge of life functioning beyond my front porch that I so desperately need. Check out her post “Honor Defended” for a truthful look at how to react when your kid hits someone… PRIDE! Obviously.

There you have it, folks. Honors more significant than the shiniest of naked, golden men.

What posts stood out to you this week?

What Superlative should they receive?