Blessed Be The Bored

The best thing my parents ever did was kick us out of the house. I get strange looks when I tell people that. I think they picture 5 barefoot innocents roaming and starving. They half-laugh uncomfortably in hopes that I’m kidding. Then that blatant pity stare washes over their faces. They want to pat my back sympathetically like … Continue reading »

Freshly Pegged: When Freshly Pressed Gets Stale

It was explained to me that WordPress selects the best of the best blog posts and features these elite writers on the front page of glory known as Freshly Pressed. I got Freshly Pressed one Friday a hundred years ago. I was sweet back then and very unsuspecting, so the whole ordeal led to a genuine display of gracious surprise. My modest reaction … Continue reading »

The Curious Case of Benjemima Button

He tells me it’s my birthday. I’m 26 today, he says. I pop an aspirin, rub a cranky ankle, and all I can think to add is “Hmm. Allegedly”. Continue reading »

Lucky Brat

It was a lovely day. The type of day when the sun can’t possibly shine so bright, but it does. The breeze can’t be just gentle and mild enough to cool your skin and leave your hairstyle intact, but, magically, it is. We spent the morning driving down a two lane highway past tiny townships … Continue reading »

Love Stinks

Calm down. I’m married and totally happy (Except about the dirty dishes in the sink… right next to the dishwasher… which is empty and right next to the sink and waiting for his sour milk cereal bowl… because I emptied it.) As I was saying, I am thrilled to be hitched to a mostly clean … Continue reading »

The Fast & The Furriest

Over the course of an outing with a new friend, I learned she liked to swipe random items from unassuming storefronts. Our first and last afternoon together earned her a cheap pair of fake silver hoops and some lipstick. She never stole anything valued at over $4, but the notion of such debauchery snowballing quickly … Continue reading »

Kindle Up

This is a story of brilliance, people. Also, maybe a bit of a cautionary tale about forest fires and unsupervised youth. But mostly brilliance, because that was the day I first realized fire was catching. Continue reading »

Tiny Spark Series: Mercy Me. I’ll Mercy You.

I am so good at everything.  This is a confidence I developed over years of pristine dance performances, high-flying cheer leading jumps, A+ papers. I knew with no uncertainty that these feet could spin superbly. I had full faith that I could damn near kill a quarterback with my dazzling chants. And always, always, this … Continue reading »

In Defense of Dudes

Dear Men, I am one ovarian cramp away from flooding this damn house, and I have words for you. Surely you just shit your pants. You most definitely have an immediate list popping to mind of what it is I need to get off mine. Full dishwasher? Dirty laundry on the floor? Didn’t look emotionally … Continue reading »

Oh, The Places You’ll Go! : Straight to Hell Edition

     When people learn that my son was over 10 pounds at birth, they usually get this horrified and empathetic face about them. They speak consolatory words while inadvertently staring at my crotch. I never understood this because a push is a push.  A hole is a hole, and a head is a head. But … Continue reading »

A Mother’s Constitution

  I rocked my son in the creaky old glider. His hair is damp from the bath, sweet smell of bubblegum bubbles still lingering over him. I sweep my hand round and round his small back, soothing myself, really. This mother’s fear, it is an achy thing. It grabs me by the throat and throbs behind … Continue reading »