It’s demanded that wedding decor be a reflection of the couple’s tastes. Tom leans towards the simple and fresh while I typically fall face-first into the OMG (Oh My Gross) category. My personal taste tends to come across like one of those abstract splatter paintings. Others want to like. They squint, stare, and try to appreciate the … Continue reading »
I am posing in a rocking pair of hot pink shorts and a too-big neon tank top. I hear the slouchy “boyfriend” look is in, so the droopy shirt is practically on trend… if only I had a ridiculously color-blind and feminine boyfriend to trust for hand-me-downs. My newly short hair is jutting out from new angles … Continue reading »
I can’t believe none of you have told me to shut the pie hole and zip and then can the proverbial “it”. I suspect it’s because you’re all so nice. But as the old adage goes, nice guys finish last have to trudge through thousands of words and words and more words just to get the real, one-sentence … Continue reading »
Two weeks before the Big Day, our favorite urban cowboy rock star had to cancel. He was technically the third musician we had booked to play a live set before and during the ceremony. So, I handled the dissappointing change in plans as I had the two times before: I laid facedown on the floor and … Continue reading »
Plus or minus three-ish weddings. Okay, so maybe just exactly one wedding. Math was never my thing. I’m chugging on down to Georgia today for what’s sure to be the beautiful wedding of my beautiful cousin, Lanie, this weekend. I played an integral part in almost getting her kidnapped as kids. It’s cool. She had … Continue reading »
The Sanctity of Reese’s I am getting married in three days, but today? Today I am searching for the world’s largest Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup , preferably one shaped like a heart. It will be the strangest wedding gift for the strangest wedding to the strangest man I’ve ever met. I’m also strange. It all makes … Continue reading »
“But friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to a benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sunshine.” – Thomas Jefferson I walked around the quiet streets of Nashville this morning all alone. It was a peaceful place and time, and I could not help but … Continue reading »
Today marks my second Monday as a married woman, my fifteenth nap in a 72-hour period, and my third mostly ridiculous calculation of weird life events. I’m ashamed of that sentence as I mostly hate when peppy teenage girls mark their two-and-three-quarter-months anniversaries to high school beaus or when the shaky-handed cashier at the dollar … Continue reading »
I entered a stone-cold cell the first day of my first year as a first-time college student. Cinderblock and the distinct smell of era upon era of sweaty co-ed armpits slapped me in my smooth baby face. I felt that lump in my throat of tears I was too old to acceptably cry. The nauseous creep of … Continue reading »
We had been dating for seven-ish months when I stared down the line of an at-home pregnancy test. I would have pissed my pants, but there I sat, jeans around my ankles, quivering bum set to toilet seat, bladder all emptied onto that tiny, plastic, life-changing stick. Before I could wrap my mind around the whole … Continue reading »
Elizabeth Taylor once said “It is strange that the years teach us patience; that the shorter our time, the greater our capacity for waiting.”. At some other point Andy Warhol also talked, and when he did he said “The idea of waiting for something makes it more exciting.”. Then I showed up and was all “I’m … Continue reading »
Ah! Nothing like some 90′s rave music to start a post off right. I danced to this song as a 9-year-old. We wore hot pink fringe booty shorts, curly pony tail wigs I always feared came from abused ponies, and gobs of stage makeup. These catchy beats remind me that I am a trailblazer for slutting it up long before … Continue reading »
As described by Urban Dictionary: 1. phat: adjective, phat·est, phat·er, phat· fo’ shizzle, phat· is whack 1. cool 2. Pretty Hot And Tempting ex: Dude! That ish is phat 2. phat: adjective, phat·est, phat·er, phat· fo’ shizzle, phat· is whack 1. A stupid word. 2. Stop using it. ex: Pathetic Kid: God, that chick is PHAT, … Continue reading »
It’s Latin for “rockin’ great start to the party, y’all”. That’s paraphrased, of course, but just barely. Whatever the root and origin, the ceremony was big and festive and bright. I am waiting on a landing of a cement staircase. Hide The Bride, I think this game is called. I strain to hear the music I’m told has started. I … Continue reading »
‘Cause my mouth is full. Professing some undying love and devotion for a person has a way of making a sister hungry. And the whole legally binding commitment in front of God and lower Broadway bit? Well, same sister needs a drink. Luckily for we recently wed and famished, the ramblings readers planned the menu months ahead of munch … Continue reading »
As a college student, I briefly nannied this horrible shit of a Kindergartener. I say “briefly” because when one’s head and heart tells them to address a 5-year-old as a “shit” (even internally), it becomes clear that career choices at some point were askew. Also his mother paid me like a blind beggar, insisting she was shoving silent … Continue reading »
